so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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