I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
