I hope mine doesn't look like that
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
