She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
