we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
This baby is an asshole
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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