he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
