Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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