she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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