He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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