i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
