We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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