What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
