If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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