don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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