I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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