My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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