I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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