It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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