I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
