My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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