theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
