maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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