This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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