You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
They are going to name an STD after you.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
