So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
