He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
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He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
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You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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