He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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