this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
