I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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