billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
