Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I came so hard my ears popped.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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