Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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