they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
