dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
