He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
