is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
