I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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