i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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