If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
