as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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