You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
