apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
