I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
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Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
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When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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