john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
