broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
