There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
