did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
