i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The adults are the big ones right?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
