You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
