id be glad to
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
