Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
