im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
