I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
