My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
