I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
