I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
