i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
