You're so nebulous sometimes
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
