Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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