Cold hands, warm shart.
She's JV to your varsity
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
