Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
