Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
