God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
