I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Barsexuality is the new black.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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