He is such a slut. More and more my type.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
