I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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