Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
