There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
