I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
smell my finger.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
