The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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