he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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