you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
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