dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
