I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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