get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize