Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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