Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
