My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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